Do you ever find that things aren't going "according to plan"? Do things not line up the "way you thought"? Do you find yourself feeling resentful? Do you have expectations?
□Expectations are a natural thing but they can hinder our growth especially when we are in relationships. Expectations open the door to resentments and to "failures" Our partner can "let us down" because we expected something from them that we shouldn't have. Hoping, trusting and believing are different than expectations. You can create a boundary by having your partner agree to something and then rightfully get upset when they don't follow through- that's not an expectation because you agreed and they didn't follow through. Plans creations, goals, compromises those are not expectations.
□Expectations come when one person predetermined an outcome or a behavior that is appropriate for the situation and then projects that onto another person or event.
◇I.E I expect my husband to make coffee so I don't get up and make mine because I have this unspoken expectation that each morning he will make my coffee for me. Well one morning he doesn't feel well, he's barely awake and just feels like total poo, so he forgets to make my cup and stumbles to his computer to log on for work. He didn't fail by not making my cup of coffee. He didn't do it personally to hurt my feelings. But if I have the expectation that he will make my coffee but he doesn't, then I will get upset. I might think "he doesn't love me because he only cares about himself." Or maybe "he must be mad at me because he didn't make my coffee today" I might even get angry and think "wow that good for nothing can't even pour me a cup while he makes his own?" And all of those thoughts would not he accurate of the situation. All of those thoughts would be created because I had an expectation.◇
□An expectation is NOT a conversation. An expectation is NOT an agreement made knowingly by both parties. An expectation is NOT a boundary.
Dawn Sinnott: "By learning to not expect people to know what I want and need, I’ve learned to be much clearer in my communication. I don’t expect my husband to know why I’m pouting; I try to tell him why I’m upset."
Steve Lynch writes, "The expression should actually be phrased as 'Unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.'"
"Expecting others to do what is in your interest, but not their interest, is unrealistic. Expecting others to do what is in both of your interests can be realistic."
It is important to make the effort to share boundaries and come to agreements without having expectations. Needs are also different than expectations. Remember my loves that words do matter and so does communication. To have healthy relationships we must have healthy communication and to have healthy communication must choose our WORDS wisely.
Remember I love you and I'm proud of you.